The Beginning of the End

What wisdom a year can bestow on a person. The sequence of events leading up to our and others' current situations becomes more clear, and we can step back and begin to see how tiny, seemingly unimportant events in our lives can either nudge us to greatness or push us towards a cliff. How can a friend who you once aspired to be (smart, gorgeous, self confident, knowing where she wanted to go in life) just give up on the world after they had worked so hard before to get to where they wanted to go?

And now, looking back with my freshly opened eyes, I can see that everything played an intricate part in her downfall. I was a part of it, her parents were a part of it, her job was a part of it, her teachers were a part of it, her various failed relationships were a part it, and she herself was a part of it. All of the little things that just happen to a person, things so small that you don't even notice them until it's too late. But they eat at you bit by bit until you are left feeling worthless and hopeless.

What could have been done differently to have made it turn out different? These things are so tiny that it makes you wonder if you could have made any difference at all, because it was everything around her, not just you. It's the small things that weren't really preventable in the first place. Which small piece was the one that broke the camel's back? Which one was the point of no return, that made her decide that enough is enough, and that there is no point in trying anymore, that she should just give up because it isn't worth it. At what point do her friends know, too, that they can't do anything to stop her, because they also felt this moment coming for a long, long time, even if they were holding out a little hope that she would pull through?

So, what do you do now? Do you feel sorry for her? Do you feel that she is a failure, that she just wasn't strong enough to take life's challenges? Do you just shrug it off and keep living your own life, relieved to be done with such a negative influence? I don't know how or if I can fix it, and she doesn't seem like she would care anymore if I tried. What to do? What to do? All I can do at the moment is try to keep my own head above water as I feel another piece of my boat break off.