I'm A Senior!

It has finally truly sunk in that I am going to graduate in the spring, and that I will be a full grown adult with a degree! I'm so excited!!! What made it finally click? Registering for next semester and running a degree audit and seeing that I've met all the requirements as soon as I pass all those classes. That's it! I'm done! No more semester-after-that-one planning! I can feel the sense of freedom and accomplishment that was welling up in me during my high school graduation start to gurgle in my head and chest and make me have to control myself as I feel the urge to run screaming through the halls and around campus that YES! I'm almost done!

And then what? I will move in with my husband! That is the ultimate graduation present! That's the ultimate reward for two long hard years of doubt, guilt, tears, and frustration. Every day I look forward to that reward. I can hardly wait! I'm so excited!

A Little Rant

How many times have I mentioned to someone that my husband is overseas only to get a look of fear and pity, and a comment along the lines of "I don't know how you do it," or "he isn't in Iraq is he?" One too many.

Today I wrote a nice letter to a visiting author explaining that a military family is not something that should be pitied, nor should it be implied that a military life is something that should be abandoned as soon as humanly possible. It's unfortunate that civilians who have no connections to the military are forced to form all of their opinions of the military from what they see on the news. It's becoming a pet peeve of mine how people imply that a deployment in Iraq is the worst possible thing that could happen to a military member, and also the implication that everyone deployed to Iraq is committing a war crime or has been handed an automatic death sentence. What makes it on the news is such a small select portion of what really goes on. People in the military really do try their hardest to make whatever place they are at as safe as possible. Being in the military is not a bad life. It is a unique community of very diverse people. Some of the most open-minded people I know can be found there. They work hard, they love their families and their friends very strongly, they want to live life to the fullest. People in the military understand how precious life really is, I think.

So, those of you that don't know anyone in the military, drop your pre-conceived notions, the ones formed from news reports of Iraq and Afghanistan. Yes, the situation there may be less than ideal, and that may be an understatement, but the men and women over there are doing their jobs to the best of thier ability and deserve appriciation and graditude from the Americans they are working for. And they should also be able to feel however they want to about thier time over there without being judged, whether it is pride, sorrow, fear, or a new determination to do more.

My Juggernaut

In entomology lab today, we got to play with beetles. We tied a piece of floss around them and taped that to an empty petri dish. We then set them to walking along a fairly rough surface so that they could grip and pull. As they walked along, we added washers one at a time until the beetle just couldn't pull the dish any more. The Juggernaut pulled 32 washers before he pooped out, earning himself his name as well as pet status. The deal I've worked out with him is that if he dies before the end of the semester, I will pin him and add him to my collection, and if he's still around after final exams I will let him go. This kind of beetle can live for over a year as an adult.

North Carolina Mountains

This was my second trip to Highlands, North Carolina, and all I can say is I love that place. Look at this view!

I wish I had a picture from the very top, but I somehow ran out of memory space. The last time I was climbing this exact same mountain, it was spring time and the leaves were just beginning to grow. Here is a picture of the very same view from then:

I remember thinking how beautiful it was the first time around. But the fall colors this time were absolutely breathtaking and somehow make the springtime moments seem drab.

But really, I love the mountains.

Looking for Trouble

After dinner I decided to follow up on a tip someone gave in class about these really really large moths that seem to come out about dusk at the soccer field. I asked some of my male buddies if they would mind going with me, since the soccer field is a ways out and I didn't want to be walking around by myself after dark. Besides, more eyes means better chances of finding something, right?

So we make it out to the field carrying my butterfly net and jar-o-doom, and there's absolutely nothing there. Well, now the guys just want to see my killing jar in action, so we make our way to the tennis courts and I find a winged ant. I told them that the bugs just act really high and then pass out, end eventually die of an OD on the chemical. They thought my analogy was hilarious, and watched the ant very intently giving of-the-moment interpretative narrative. "Oh no! My legs! Ack ack, ahhh....." They were so amused that they walked around a whole section of campus with me from lit spot to lit spot looking for interesting things to kill. We found a mosquito hawk/crane fly (the giant mosquito kind, not the dragonfly kind), a huge beetle, a big cricket, and several moths. There also seemed to be another green stink bug every time we turned around. They seemed to be everywhere tonight.

We also found a big green grasshopper that I happened to know from personal experience has the most scary looking mandibles, so I picked it up and showed the guys, who agreed they don't want to be bit by that! So, we proceded to find a worthy-looking spider web and deposited the grasshopper there, hoping to get a death-match going, but the spider didn't look game. It was more along the lines of, "what are you doing to my web?"

Walking around having fun with my freinds: it's great and I wish I did it more often.

Feeling Productive

I've gotten the most work done today I've done in a long time. I asked a professor of mine if he would mind giving me an interview (he said yes, he could that same day! Score!), I got the tape recorder, got the paperwork, got the interview, transcribed about half of it, made a few labels for my bugs, read a bit of my book, went to all of my classes (as usual), and I actually ate all 3 meals today! Of course all that wore me out so I also took a 2 hour nap and played more computer games than I should have. But I don't feel like a bum right now! And that's great. My grades are starting to improve too. Whoo-hoo! Maybe I'll graduate on time after all.

Good Old Friends

Fall Break just flew on by. But I did get to visit some of my old friends from my high school days, which is always fun. I got to love on their two cats cats and pretend they were mine (my daddy and husband are both allergic, which means that it's unlikely I'll ever be able to have some of my own).


I also got to see their kid again, who has grown so fast and can say quite a few words now, including "pimp pimp," which is the funniest thing ever. Yep, its great to just chill out their house for a few days like old times. Plus, they gave me this really beautiful candle they got us for our wedding but forgot about (haha, how many times have I also bought people things that are still laying around somewhere?).

The Beginning of the End

What wisdom a year can bestow on a person. The sequence of events leading up to our and others' current situations becomes more clear, and we can step back and begin to see how tiny, seemingly unimportant events in our lives can either nudge us to greatness or push us towards a cliff. How can a friend who you once aspired to be (smart, gorgeous, self confident, knowing where she wanted to go in life) just give up on the world after they had worked so hard before to get to where they wanted to go?

And now, looking back with my freshly opened eyes, I can see that everything played an intricate part in her downfall. I was a part of it, her parents were a part of it, her job was a part of it, her teachers were a part of it, her various failed relationships were a part it, and she herself was a part of it. All of the little things that just happen to a person, things so small that you don't even notice them until it's too late. But they eat at you bit by bit until you are left feeling worthless and hopeless.

What could have been done differently to have made it turn out different? These things are so tiny that it makes you wonder if you could have made any difference at all, because it was everything around her, not just you. It's the small things that weren't really preventable in the first place. Which small piece was the one that broke the camel's back? Which one was the point of no return, that made her decide that enough is enough, and that there is no point in trying anymore, that she should just give up because it isn't worth it. At what point do her friends know, too, that they can't do anything to stop her, because they also felt this moment coming for a long, long time, even if they were holding out a little hope that she would pull through?

So, what do you do now? Do you feel sorry for her? Do you feel that she is a failure, that she just wasn't strong enough to take life's challenges? Do you just shrug it off and keep living your own life, relieved to be done with such a negative influence? I don't know how or if I can fix it, and she doesn't seem like she would care anymore if I tried. What to do? What to do? All I can do at the moment is try to keep my own head above water as I feel another piece of my boat break off.

I Want a Bath

There are some things in life that are considered unnecessary because alternatives exist. One of these is the bath. Does it really matter which method you use to get clean? Slowly, it seems, various places are making the tub obsolete: schools, hotels, even some houses no longer give the option of bath or shower.

I really wish they wouldn't do this. Baths and showers serve totally different purposes except for the most superficial one of personal hygiene. To me, showers are all business, while baths offer a chance to relax. Taking nothing but showers for weeks, months, years at a time begins to wear down a basic need to treat myself nicely. I start to feel like I'm missing something vital, like I'm not getting enough of a certain vitamin: sure, I can continue on existing, but it could be better.

When I'm feeling cold, tired, stressed, if my feet hurt, or for any other various reason, I just want a bath. I yearn for a nice long hot soak in a tub where I can fully relax and have some time pampering myself in a way that only a bath can achieve. But, the reality is that I am at school. Living in a dorm. The only things in our rooms designed to hold any amount of water here are sinks and toilet bowls. I would even be open to going to the jacuzzi if we had one, even though that would mean a severe drop in privacy for my bathing pleasures. But that doesn't matter anyway, because all we have is a pool and a sauna. And what I want is to lower myself into that warm, warm water and be surrounded by it, be caressed by it. Besides, chlorine makes me itch.

Over the summer I was able to take baths whenever I wanted. I could sit and enjoy the water for as long as I wanted, whereas the longer I take in the shower the guiltier I feel. Also, swimming in (fairly) open water and sitting under a waterfall feel totally different. I want to be able to pay the attention to my feet that they deserve and that is long overdue, instead of giving them a quick once over with my washcloth while I stand in an awkward flamingo-like position trying my hardest not to touch the walls of the shower (which seem to feel perpetually slimy when wet, no matter how often we clean them).

And, while I usually desire a bath so that I can escape into my own world undisturbed for a little while, when I finally move into a house with my husband, one of the things I will be lobbying for is a bath tub big enough for two. What can I say? It's the little things in life.

The Changing Seasons

The past few days there has been a noticeable change in the weather outside. It is chilly in the early mornings when I go to my first class, and it doesn't warm up that much by noon any more. Also, the breezy wind from the north that is a constant wintertime feature here has settled in. I suppose it's eminent now: winter is coming. Sure, I know we have to technically get through fall first, but honestly, we all know that it's not possible for the weather to be perfect for longer than a day or two in a row. It will bounce back and forth over that fine line; too hot one day/week and too cold the next. And this is a key part of the changing seasons. Fall and spring are little more than the battle ground of winter and summer. I can almost picture one saying, "It's my turn now. Give it up." and the other saying in return, "No, not yet. I'm having too much fun."

Today's temperature: 65 degrees.
Next weeks' forecast: 85 degrees

Senior Year

It's strange. Today I went and got the form to declare my intent to graduate this coming spring. I am a senior. And yet, I don't feel like a senior. In high school, your class status was a solid thing that you fit into. When you were a senior in high school, you felt on top of the world. Here in college, the only class rank that was well defined was my freshman year. I was a new kid. After you become acquainted with life on campus and the phenomenon of college classes occurring only periodically throughout the day, instead of back to back all at once, time seems to run together. You count hours instead of classes, and even "semester" is nothing more than a block of time. The apparent "density" or course load of that semester is variable. And so, while most would consider a college degree to take four years, it's easy to let the actual length of time for that accomplishment trickle on longer to 4 and a half or 5 years.

No one other than yourself will really think twice about the rate of progress you're making. In college, if someone takes a lesser course load, or if it takes them 5 years to graduate instead of four, that person is not thought of as a failure. They are thought of as someone who is taking their time, who has other demands on their time and energy besides just school. In fact, the people who graduate in four years are almost seen as the overachievers, the go-getters, and the pushers. The people that take longer are seen as the people who have set a different pace for themselves, who have a family, who understand that life is not a race.

So anyway, today I realized that, yes, I am a senior, and should be graduating this coming spring, as long as I pass everything. I really don't feel like I've been here for as long as I have already, and even though I can hardly wait to start my life as a "real" adult and wife, I also feel like school could just stretch on and on and become this never-ending thing, and no one would think anything really odd about that. Where has the time gone? I just got here. Didn't I?

The World of Bugs

My entomology class went on another field trip down the road today. Among other things, I found this huge caterpillar, commonly known as the woolly bear. I've never seen one before, and I was afraid to touch it. Anyway, here is a picture of it, already in a preservation jar, so please ignore the glare.


I also found this really huge awesome beetle just outside the science building. It has rows of green spots going down its' back. You can see a few of them if you look really hard.

And here is my collection so far, minus the caterpillars:

And a close up of the big moth, because everyone seems to really like that one:

In other news, I finished as much of the pink scarf as I plan on doing for a while. I want to do the hat that will go with it, and then use any left over yarn from that to make the scarf longer. Currently it is only about 51 inches long, and it's really thick. If I had a better idea of what the finished product was going to be like before I started, I would have modified it to only one cable with a garter stitch boarder in order to make it less wide and more usable. I mean, perhaps if I lived in a place where snow was a regular occurrence in the winter, then perhaps it would fit in better. But here, snow is a once every so many years occasion. I consider weather where I can see my breath as weather that you should stay inside for. Maybe I should move to Hawaii.

Yarn Pancake

My yarn collapsed. Just died. It's been sagging for a while, but until recently it still had a little structure to it. Now it is little more than a puddle of string. I suppose this is one of the hazards of working from the center of a ball of yarn.

I've also decided that I want to incorporate a twisted rib into the hat , possibly from either this pattern, or this pattern. I'm hoping this will have the illusion of a vertical garter stitch. I'm am slightly worried about the gauge of all this, but I'm sure I can figure it out.

I'm none too pleased with my first set of scores this semester. In one class, the teacher goes through his presentation so fast you can't write everything down. In another, the book I ordered never came in and the class itself is really difficult anyway. And the last class was a bad combo of luck and timing. Ironically, I got the same score in all three classes. I have another test coming up this Friday. I want to do better, but part of me wonders about the pattern I've made. I will have to work my butt off the rest of the semester to undo this no-so-good start.

Oh, and one of my triops disappeared over the weekend. My roommate said the bigger one ate it. But that's not unusual.

A Fresh Start

After realizing that my husband was having loads of fun in Germany waiting for his flight out, I started to relax. And now that he is getting settled in at his final destination, it seems as though we will be able to talk very regularly online too. So, I'm back to my regularly scheduled ins and outs of life at school. And it feels good.

I started another scarf, even though I'm still not done with the pink cabled one. It's entrelac:


In case you haven't figured it out yet, I like a challenge. This is only my third project ever. I spent about 3 hours trying to figure out how to do the actual pattern. I got the first tier of triangles without a problem, but I was having serious issues figuring out how to attach the second tier correctly. It seems like all the patterns I've found have the instructions "ssk" which means slip slip knit. Turns out I took it too literal. I would slip slip and knit - 3 stitches total-which ended up giving me really wonky results. I couldn't figure it out. I really did try.

Then I just decided to wing it on that part, and knit 2 together-which is what it seemed like I should be doing in the first place, even though it was not what I thought the pattern said. Turns out, ssk means twist the stitches and knit them together! This instruction/abbreviation should seriously be re-examined. The p2tog instruction was clear enough and very straightforward. Why do they have to make the knit side decreases so difficult?

Anyway, now that I have it figured out (for the most part), I find that I have already memorized this pattern, whereas I didn't memorize the cable scarf pattern until several inches into my second ball of yarn.

I am currently on the lookout for hats to go with my 2 scarves in progress. Some patterns that I have my eyes on can be found here and here.

I'm really enjoying the yarn I bought for the entrelac scarf. It's called "I love this yarn!" and it's really cheap, but really soft. Its only about $2.80 for a big ball of yarn, about 350 yards or so. I have a feeling that it might bleed a little bit though, because the tips of my needles are becoming ever so slightly tinted. I actually find that after I've been knitting on my new project for a while, the yarn I use for my pink scarf feels so stiff. It's beginning to make my left hand hurt a little from having to constantly manipulate the stitches into cables. That part gets on my nerves. I'm trying to tell myself that the sooner I finish it the sooner I can really focus on my entrelac. And please don't even mention the ends. I'm thinking that there has to be a better way.

Till next time!

D-day

D is for deployment. Even though I physically said goodbye to you more than a month ago, this day was still looming over my head like a bad dream. I went though four phone cards to find one that still had some unused time on it. And when I found one that still had 2 minutes on it, the feeling of relief that washed over me was unreal. It had been only a few days since I had been able to tell you that I loved you, and even longer than that since I had been able to hear your voice. Those 2 minutes seemed like a godsend. And yet, when the voice let me know that I "only have one minute of call time remaining" I wondered who could be so cruel as to give a phone call between two people in love who are separated by an ocean a time limit to say their goodbyes.

I'll admit it. I needed a drink in order to fall asleep last night. I really don't like the taste of alcohol. I avoid it in a way most people don't understand. But last night, it tasted like medicine, and I drank it down so that I could stop crying and go to sleep. I had to get up for my 8am entomology test in the morning.

Today, there was a choir singing out by the water feature. And I thought of you and how you used to sing in high school. You had the sexiest voice. I still think about how unfortunate it is that you were unable to sing here in college because of scheduling issues. I wonder if there is a place you can sing on base somewhere, and if you would do it if you could. I miss hearing you sing.

Can't sleep

I can't sleep tonight. I laid in bed for about an hour, watching the smoke alarm blink and listening to the people above us scoot their chairs annoyingly back and forth across the floor, and the people next to us laugh and laugh and laugh. And I can't help but think that when I was in Italy I didn't kiss you enough, didn't look into your eyes enough, didn't hug you enough. And now I'm here, away from you and can't even begin to describe what I would be willing to give in order to be able to rest my head on your shoulder at this moment.

I pray that God keeps you safe in Kuwait so that I can hug you some day in the future, and that I won't regret for the rest of my life spending all this time at school instead of with you. That I won't regret wasting time on an education that could have waited. That I wont forever feel like I was so selfish as to put you second. I hope you know how much I love you. Good night baby.

Hurricane Hanna

When I went to bed last night, it was raining, and there was a little bit of thunder. This was of course due to that pesky little hurricane that was passing through. When I woke up this morning, the sun was out, and it seemed as though the hype for this storm was overblown as usual. Well, that was only half accurate. For when I went out to get myself some food from the campus cafeteria, this is what I found:

Fortunately, there was a way around, so I could go feed my face without having to swim for it.

Dude!

I hereby proclaim myself a convert to the center-pull ball of yarn! Never again shall I ever use the outside end to knit with! Whoever invented the center pull ball of yarn is a genius! It's as simple as that!

And that is all.

Knitting again

So, I'm in the mood to knit again, after taking several days off because I knit myself out last weekend. I had to fix a mistake I found in a cable, but I've already had to do that once before on this scarf, so I've had some practice with that technique. I also added a new ball of yarn because I had used up all of the first ball. I had to pull out the innards of the commercial ball of yarn in order to find the other end, and so out of necessity, I made my first center pull ball by wrapping it loosely around one of my knitting needles. So, here is my progress picture:

I'm still debating whether or not I should block this when I'm done. I really really want to, because the widths are so different in various places, but it is acrylic, and I've heard some mixed reviews on blocking acrylic. I'm not sure if "killing the fabric" will work with cables very well. When it comes time, I'm afraid I might have to knit a swatch to practice on. When I started this project, I started on the suggested size 11 needles. I only got about an inch done when I realized that was not going to work at all. It was waaaay too holey. So I tried again, and again, with smaller needles every time, knitting about an inch or two or three until I was sure I liked how it was coming out. And that is why I do not have a swatch. In a way, this is my swatch... upgraded to the real thing.

I also did a little research on the snake that scared me half to death in the mountains over Labor Day weekend, and found out that it is a ring necked snake. It is completely harmless, and eats things like earthworms and slugs. They are supposed to be secretive, but that one sure wasn't shy!

And look how my little triops have grown!



Arn't they cute!?!?!

Labor Day Weekend

I hope everyone had a good Labor Day Weekend. I know mine was certainly interesting. My aunt came down for the weekend, and her, my mom, and I all went up to Gatlinburg, TN. The drive was a gruesome 6 hours or so. Fortunately, I was not the one doing the driving.

So what did I do? We walked along a 2.7 mile long trail in the National Park/Forest, but only for an hour. We didn't even get to the half way point before we decided to turn around. Our goal was the Rainbow Waterfall, and everyone said it was worth the trek, but we only had one full day in the mountains, and it was time for us to move on. It was my joke of the day that we saw more wildlife in the parking lot than on the trail. For example, this small snake nearly slithered over my foot as I passed a large SUV on my way to the official trail starting place:



And upon our return, we were greeted by this medium sized black bear:

I'm not saying that this is all that nature had to offer that day, but these were definitely the highlights.



We also went swimming and ate dinner at Olive Garden. And, thanks to the long trip there and back, I finished the first ball of yarn on my pink cabled scarf. It is now 27 inches long and has 23 repeats. I got so sick of working on it during the endless hours in the car, but there was nothing else to do. I think I need to take a few days off from knitting.

Living Things

This semester I'm taking entomology, among other things, and we are required to make an insect collection that is Smithsonian quality, with a minimum of 70 insects covering 10-12 families. Today we made our kill jars.


The plaster is still drying. After it's done I will pour ethyl acetate into the little holes in the bottom to soak the sawdust, and off to massacre some wildlife I will go! It still bothers me that I will be killing living things--and that our class as a whole will be out there doing the same thing. Some bugs, such as ants and cockroaches, are fairly common, but things like butterflies? I don't feel like there are enough of those around here for us to be collecting them for the fun of it. Why do all of us need our own dead bug collection anyway, when just a few living specimens of each species can teach us the same amount of information, if not more (behavior for instance). Sure, it won't be mounted on the wall for us to reference, but when we are done with them they can go on to make sure that our grandchildren will be able to look at them up close and personal as well. How sad would it be to know that everyone has a certain mounted butterfly in their attics or basements, but that has since gone extinct?

On a better note:

These are my two little Triops! They are only about 5 days old here, and already about half an inch long. This is about the 3rd or 4th time I've hatched some. They are very fascinating creatures. They start out about the size of the dot on the letter i, and grow to be an inch and a half long or more. I bought the eggs at Hobby Lobby for about $4.

School and Knitting

So, I've been busy, and lazy. Let me catch you up. I'm back at school now. My senior year. And I can't really say I have senior-itis, because, well, I've had that since I was a senior in High school. I never recovered. Anyway, I wanted to show the world the scarf that I've been working on.


This is only the second knitting project I have ever done, and will probably be the first that I finish, although I shouldn't get ahead of myself. Its only about 11 inches long right now, and I still have another 50 or so to go. It's taking me forever. My current goal rate is one repeat a day, which equals about one inch.

The pattern is from the March 2006 newsletter from knittingetcithaca.com. Here's the link. The yarn I'm using is Bernat Softee Chunky in Pale Antique Rose and I'm using size 8 bamboo needles.

I've been looking up yarn and free patterns online for days. It's like I'm addicted, looking for the perfect pattern and the perfect yarn to go with it. Unfortunately, I'm poor right now, so I'm forcing myself to only work on the projects I already have the materials for.

More later!

I Love Thursdays

I saw Iron Man for the first time today. I know, I know, it's been out for a while. This has been the first chance I've had to see it, and I thought it was really awesome. I would really like to see the Dark Night too, which just came out in theaters a few days ago in the states, but I will have to wait a few weeks before I will be able to see that as well. I'm excited to see Heath Ledger in what I consider to be his final movie, but I wish that it was a roll that allowed his natural hotness to show through.. That man was FINE! Whenever I think of Heath I will always picture him in A Knights Tale. Excuse me while I get that glazed over dreamy look.

Anyway...

I also got to watch the third Bourne movie today... The Bourne Ultimatum. I saw the second one (Supremacy) yesterday. I know what your probably thinking and it is quite true. I am years behind on my movie watching, and every time I look there's another one to add to my "Ooo! I really wanna see that!" list. I'm glad I can finally check those two off, and they were just as great as I expected. however, I need to go add like 10 more movies to my list now... Why can't the movie makers just wait for me to catch up?

I'm really looking forward to post bowling tomorrow. I'm on a 9 pin no tap league, and we were supposed to be bowling when Iron Man was playing here. I find it extremely fun. Sad to say that I do actually look forward to bowling all week. Last week, I got 143 for the first game, 217 for the second game, and 126 for the third game, all before handicap. My average is around a 135, so everyone was pretty amazed at my second game, including myself. I was absolutely ecstatic!!! I hope that I can bowl as good as that tomorrow.

First Post!

So, I've decided that it's about time that I started a blog. I'm starting to make some artsy things again, and I feel like there's enough going on in my life that it might be interesting to others.

I've kept diaries in the past, but never regularly. I find that I change so much from year to year, that previous entries seem to have been written by someone else. So I start a new journal, and destroy the old one. I think it will be interesting to possibly have people comment on the entries I make about my life.

So, let me tell you a little about myself as I am right now. I am married to a wonderful man, my high school sweetheart. He's in the Air Force and is currently stationed in Italy. I am also in college for a degree in Biology. I'm about to start my senior year. My interests are quite wide and varied. I like almost all kinds of arts and crafts, and am probably going to open an Etsy shop soon. I also have really long hair which comes down to the waist of my pants. I've been growing it out for about 3 years now.

Well, thats about all for now.