A Little Rant

How many times have I mentioned to someone that my husband is overseas only to get a look of fear and pity, and a comment along the lines of "I don't know how you do it," or "he isn't in Iraq is he?" One too many.

Today I wrote a nice letter to a visiting author explaining that a military family is not something that should be pitied, nor should it be implied that a military life is something that should be abandoned as soon as humanly possible. It's unfortunate that civilians who have no connections to the military are forced to form all of their opinions of the military from what they see on the news. It's becoming a pet peeve of mine how people imply that a deployment in Iraq is the worst possible thing that could happen to a military member, and also the implication that everyone deployed to Iraq is committing a war crime or has been handed an automatic death sentence. What makes it on the news is such a small select portion of what really goes on. People in the military really do try their hardest to make whatever place they are at as safe as possible. Being in the military is not a bad life. It is a unique community of very diverse people. Some of the most open-minded people I know can be found there. They work hard, they love their families and their friends very strongly, they want to live life to the fullest. People in the military understand how precious life really is, I think.

So, those of you that don't know anyone in the military, drop your pre-conceived notions, the ones formed from news reports of Iraq and Afghanistan. Yes, the situation there may be less than ideal, and that may be an understatement, but the men and women over there are doing their jobs to the best of thier ability and deserve appriciation and graditude from the Americans they are working for. And they should also be able to feel however they want to about thier time over there without being judged, whether it is pride, sorrow, fear, or a new determination to do more.

D-day

D is for deployment. Even though I physically said goodbye to you more than a month ago, this day was still looming over my head like a bad dream. I went though four phone cards to find one that still had some unused time on it. And when I found one that still had 2 minutes on it, the feeling of relief that washed over me was unreal. It had been only a few days since I had been able to tell you that I loved you, and even longer than that since I had been able to hear your voice. Those 2 minutes seemed like a godsend. And yet, when the voice let me know that I "only have one minute of call time remaining" I wondered who could be so cruel as to give a phone call between two people in love who are separated by an ocean a time limit to say their goodbyes.

I'll admit it. I needed a drink in order to fall asleep last night. I really don't like the taste of alcohol. I avoid it in a way most people don't understand. But last night, it tasted like medicine, and I drank it down so that I could stop crying and go to sleep. I had to get up for my 8am entomology test in the morning.

Today, there was a choir singing out by the water feature. And I thought of you and how you used to sing in high school. You had the sexiest voice. I still think about how unfortunate it is that you were unable to sing here in college because of scheduling issues. I wonder if there is a place you can sing on base somewhere, and if you would do it if you could. I miss hearing you sing.

Can't sleep

I can't sleep tonight. I laid in bed for about an hour, watching the smoke alarm blink and listening to the people above us scoot their chairs annoyingly back and forth across the floor, and the people next to us laugh and laugh and laugh. And I can't help but think that when I was in Italy I didn't kiss you enough, didn't look into your eyes enough, didn't hug you enough. And now I'm here, away from you and can't even begin to describe what I would be willing to give in order to be able to rest my head on your shoulder at this moment.

I pray that God keeps you safe in Kuwait so that I can hug you some day in the future, and that I won't regret for the rest of my life spending all this time at school instead of with you. That I won't regret wasting time on an education that could have waited. That I wont forever feel like I was so selfish as to put you second. I hope you know how much I love you. Good night baby.